Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
