you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize