ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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