I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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