Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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