y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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