And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
