She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
