I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
