she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
