can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Can i not drive my cunt home
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
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