you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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