whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
