If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
