If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
