The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize