my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize