I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
How does one acquire holy water?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
