Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Randomize
