dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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