My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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