saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
