I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize