I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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