The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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