using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
