I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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