There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Just invented taco cereal.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
