First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
