is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
