please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize