the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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