i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
