I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
