He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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