Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
