I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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