I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
