He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
