absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
