Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
cat food counts as protein by the way
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
