i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
