the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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