ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
