I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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