1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
he wants to bone in the snuggie
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
