My brain says no but my pants say off.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
