Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
