Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
