so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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