The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
