Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
