watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I am available for nakedness
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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