I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
