Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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