I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
