Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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