Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
