ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
