Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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