youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
