She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
