some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
