i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
