Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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