Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Sorry my hands just texted you
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
