I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
