You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
