dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
